And my first bikini wax.
Yes, the first time I went to a salon and had it properly done with hot wax rather than doing it at home, terrified and gulping down wine to prepare myself for ripping off the next strip. I've got no trouble doing my legs, though finding the right way to bend to get the back of them can be a bit of a pain. I just thought it'd be easier paying somebody else to do it rather than putting the waxing strip on my crotch, doing one side and deciding it would be too painful to do the next. That'd just look silly. And if somebody else is doing it it removes my own hesitation playing a part.
I was pretty nervous while waiting, but was taken from the front of the salon into the treatment room by the very nice lady who would be ripping out my pubic hair. The hot wax smells very nice by the way, though I wouldn't recommend eating any! She left the room while I took my things off, a little unsure about what she said by "take off your bottom half" and had a minor panic when she came back in and I had to confirm if she meant my knickers too (obviously yes!).
Starting with my legs, we chatted about the weather, holidays, my partner etc; much less painful than doing it at home! The nerves started kicking in as she rearranged the towels, asked me to bend my right leg and spread the wax on my bikini line. Crunch time!!
It got worse as she moved in and at one point I was thinking “shit, can I pull off the one side look?”, maybe fashion it into a comb-over?
No such luck!
I'd booked in for a Brazilian and as she got further in I had to stop her and double check I wasn't in for a Hollywood (all off). Yes, definitely a Brazilian, just skinnier than I'm used to shaving.
When she was finished I had about a centimetre thick strip left. That I could live with. She left the room as I got dressed, and that's when I realised. Oh fuck. It was lopsided.
Like, nothing in the middle, just a strip on the left of my pubis. So far to the left it was more of a commie than I am. Could I pull this look this off!? (No pun intended). I left the room to find her and at this point I had two options: take the typically British route of, every other time you get a *ahem* haircut, just bite your tongue and say yes it's fine as you're quietly dying inside; or I could woman up and see if she could fix it. The prospect of ripping out that last little bit myself seemed far too daunting after what my poor private area had already been through so I put on my big girl pants and asked if she could fix it.
Oh. My. God.
As it was so slim there was no way of fixing it other than taking everything off. EVERYTHING. I've never been so bald since I was 12, it's so strange.
Hobbling back home and contemplating my very existence I came home with two things:
A bald pubic region and a better understanding of when to assert myself.
So anybody considering getting their first below-the-belt wax, here is some advice:
Research the salon thoroughly, check out their Facebook and other reviews. If it's much cheaper than others in your area it's probably too good to be true. And before anything is applied be very clear with your beauty therapist. When you assume you'll get what you're after you just end up making an ass out of you and me.
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