One Hell of a Hiatus!

 Greetings lovely people! 

 As the title of this post suggests the past...bugger, almost year has been one hell of a hiatus. Now where to start...

Seizures

 Success! After many tests, trial and errors and tears I finally have a diagnosis. I turns out that I'm not epileptic but instead I suffer from Non-Epileptic Seizure Disorder (NES). It seems a bit strange that the condition doesn't have it's own name, the term NES referring to what it isn't rather than what it is but the subset I suffer from is specifically Psychogenic NES - Dissociative seizures. In simple terms it is seizures brought on because of extreme emotional/mental distress, in my case getting so stressed/anxious/lost/wound-up that my brain would overheat and shut down. Not fun.

 Luckily with having a diagnosis it's made it easier to treat. Then again it happened the other way around for me, having gone to my GP about depression/anxiety in February, starting on medication in April and not getting a definitive diagnosis until September. My GP did advise that I contact my neurologist about and when I saw him for my last appointment he was absolutely wonderful, very reassuring and stressed that NES is a legitimate condition and not something that I'm making up or something utterly unknown that's wrong with me. 

BPD

 As a result of further therapy and other related...everything I've been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Again, it's not fun but it's nice having a diagnosis. I'm still waiting on (surprise surprise) more therapy. It definitely explains a lot anyway; my mental health has been constant extremes from one to another and I'm looking forward to achieving some state of normality. 

My low point was definitely last month. The doctors' surgery that I go to is split between two practices, I was already having a bad, bad day and, when going for a medication review, it turned out that I'd gone to the wrong practice. My Mam was due to pick me up from the one I'd went to after my appointment and I'd spend a nice day with her and my niece. Instead the receptionist informed me in a very, very rude way that I wouldn't make it to my appointment at the other practice in time and that I should pay closer attention; then threatening to place a note on my record there that I was unreliable to turn up to appointments. Because it's totally my fault that because of seizures I'm not allowed to drive, public transport is rubbish and the member of staff who made my appointment was rather ambiguous on which surgery it was (I've been going to just one of them since I was...born). 

 On hearing that news, my Mam taking me over to the other surgery and being told that the doctor I was seeing had already gone to a meeting it resulted in somewhat of a breakdown. It's the first time that my niece has ever seen me in that state and I really, really hope that it's the last. It's not something a three-year-old should have to see; luckily I'm on the waiting list for more specialised therapy so it shouldn't be happening again.

Wedding Planning...

 My Bridal Minions are awesome! I'm not using the term 'maids' because of having a mixed-gender team, plus it just seems like a rubbishy word. I'm well on track with dresses, close to getting a venue booked and decorations are well on track! :D one positive that's been ongoing. It might seem like a stress but I'm having fun with it, 18 months to go!

Stormageddon

 Stormageddon turned two this month, we had a little party for him - isn't he lovely!? Grumpy as ever, gorgeous as ever.

 Anyway, more exciting posts to come! Auf Wiedersehen for now <3

The Labour Party's Patronising-tastic Pink Bus: Politics for Grrrls

 Oooh! I'm so glad Labour have come up with a way to get us lady-types involved in politics. It's so difficult to understand all the big words they use like "continuing austerity" and "keeping tuition fees" but having something shiny and pink to help us decide how to vote. Why wouldn't we vote for something pink and shiny?? My fluffy little brain couldn't handle the thought of anything else.

And if you need any more convincing  ladies, look no further- they even have a kitchen table!! Now we don't have to leave our assigned place to engage in politics!

In other words: are you having a laugh Labour? Fuck off.

 Now, onto the serious part.

 We've all had a good laugh at Labour's  idea to try and engage women in politics (just think, somebody got paid actual money to come up with that idea) but as with ideas like Blair's Babes all it's done is open the party up to ridicule and in the age of social media it's much easier to get involved with that ridicule. Don't get me wrong, historically there's been a bias towards rich white men in politics but when you look at women MPs like Rachel Reeves saying people should only be able to claim jobseekers allowance for up to two years, in a time of few jobs and economic crisis, are they really reflecting our best interests? And those in parliament and council chambers claiming that they're feminists, throwing up their hands and saying "it's such a shame we have to do this" while making cuts to women's refuges and surestart centres - do they reflect our best interests?

 I was going through some things at my parent's the other day (not looking for my old GameBoy at all) I stumbled across my old Labour Party membership card. Before you judge me it was just after the general election before Labour elected their new leader, I took one look at the ballot paper and couldn't believe I'd paid a whole quid for it!! I was a member for three months before cancelling my subs and joining the Socialist Party a few months later. Sure,  we're a small party but I'd rather ally myself with a small organisation than participate in something I didn't agree with that had a chance at power - basically the opposite of the Lib Dems. At that point I'd been involved in a youth project for a new youth centre in the middle of Newcastle, a place where all the city's youth services would be based in one place and give young people a safe place to get together. After two years of hard work we were called into an emergency meeting with the new Labour council where he told us that the funding we had was being returned to Big Lottery. Reason being? They didn't tell us in the meeting but they were in the beginnings of cutting all of the youth services, even before parliament had set their budget. We felt powerless, voiceless and let down. 

 After that I'll never vote Labour, ever. That meeting demonstrated to me that they don't care about the voices and needs of young people. The first time I voted was in the police commissioner's election. I spoiled my ballot paper.

 We're standing in the general election as part of TUSC, the Trade Unionist and Socialist Coalition, the political child of Bob Crow, the RMT, FBU and other unions and left-wing parties, with Paul standing as the MP candidate for Newcastle East. 2015 is set to see the biggest left of Labour challenge for years, with TUSC standing over 100 parliamentary candidates. There have been plenty of arguments over TUSC splitting the left vote, taking votes away from Labour and the Green Party.

 But while it may still say 'socialist' on the back of Labour's membership cards (my old one anyway) they're anything but. And with the reputation of Brighton's Green controlled council making as many cuts as Labour, Lib Dem or Tory councils there's very little 'left' within it.

 While it can be hard being a woman in left-wing politics I'm glad I've gotten involved to  help make a change. And the women with the Socialist Party aren't just active on women's issues but in everything the party does and are encouraged to do so. The big difference I've found being involved in TUSC and the SP is that the members are in touch with the issues they campaign on, they're the ones affected by these cuts and see the impact of them day-to-day. Hell, I'm proud to be part of something that is engaging women without patronising them and working in their interests, no matter how small the party it's better to stand by our principles than sell out those you're supposed to represent.

A Happy (Extremely Belated) New Year!

 Well hello, hello! It has been some time. Between Christmas, New Year and getting back to uni January has been one hell of a month. I expect there'll have been a torrent of 'my new year's resolution' blog posts since the beginning of this month so I kind of feel like I've missed out on something there; still, even if it's not strictly new year anymore I just started back at uni last week (though have been in and out for students' union things) I feel like I'm gradually coming out of hibernation. 

 I'm not a fan of New Year's Resolutions, just because it's a new year by the calendar means people throw themselves into exhausting gym routines, detox diets (don't even get me started on that shit!) and the rest because, well, it's the done thing in January! They're often drastic and impractical changes that cause more stress than good. The only sure way to make changes that stick is through small adjustments one at a time over a long period of time. Putting such pressure on yourself to change in a short period of time isn't a sustainable solution and when you don't reach the goals you set yourself in the time you want to it can lead to a lot of resentment and beating yourself up - trust me, been there done that!

 I've stuck at the 'resolutions' quite well, though I wouldn't really call them that. The word itself sounds like a big grand gesture type thing, these are just little changes - managing my time better, cooking from scratch more and getting takeaway less (broken by 3am January 1st!), and trying to keep the flat tidy. I have been working my bum off on these starting with getting a diary, it's been lovely having everything in one place and with how bad my memory has been lately it's certainly been a big help. Cooking has been great for keeping me in a routine too, it's therapeutic working my way through making a meal considering long-term anxiety I've had around food, the process is very calming seeing exactly what I'm putting into my mouth and how it's all come together. As a feminist I've carried a lot of guilt around my feelings towards food, feeling it's something I should be over by now, I've got the coping mechanisms so why am I still struggling? and so on. And so many online resources from feminist publications just seem a bit too...softly-softly, unhelpful, not really offering practical help but more "yeah, this is an issue...". Meh. Luckily there's a wonderful group here in Newcastle  which offers a lot of support to women in my position.

 Keeping the flat tidy has been...easy, ish. I'm lying actually, I'm rubbish at it. But I'm making a start, little things like loading the dishwasher and doing the washing on a regular basis rather than when I can no longer see the bedroom floor. We're currently planning spending a Sunday taking EVERYTHING out of there into the living room and having a great big clean-and-chuck-out but haven't had a free day to do so yet. It's on the list though!

 Anyway... for the big news: we've got two years left of wedding planning! Last year was pretty much a write-off and nothing has been checked off the to-do list, it's pretty scary thinking how quick the time has gone since we've gotten engaged and the whole 'impending list of doom' there is to complete within the two years we've got left. But y'know, long engagement, the idea was to take it at a chill pace. The panic will undoubtedly kick in pretty soon and you'll be subjected to a wonderfully stressed post about all the worries, I certainly look forward to it!

 Til then, here is a picture of Stormageddon's lovely little bum: