One Hell of a Hiatus!

 Greetings lovely people! 

 As the title of this post suggests the past...bugger, almost year has been one hell of a hiatus. Now where to start...

Seizures

 Success! After many tests, trial and errors and tears I finally have a diagnosis. I turns out that I'm not epileptic but instead I suffer from Non-Epileptic Seizure Disorder (NES). It seems a bit strange that the condition doesn't have it's own name, the term NES referring to what it isn't rather than what it is but the subset I suffer from is specifically Psychogenic NES - Dissociative seizures. In simple terms it is seizures brought on because of extreme emotional/mental distress, in my case getting so stressed/anxious/lost/wound-up that my brain would overheat and shut down. Not fun.

 Luckily with having a diagnosis it's made it easier to treat. Then again it happened the other way around for me, having gone to my GP about depression/anxiety in February, starting on medication in April and not getting a definitive diagnosis until September. My GP did advise that I contact my neurologist about and when I saw him for my last appointment he was absolutely wonderful, very reassuring and stressed that NES is a legitimate condition and not something that I'm making up or something utterly unknown that's wrong with me. 

BPD

 As a result of further therapy and other related...everything I've been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Again, it's not fun but it's nice having a diagnosis. I'm still waiting on (surprise surprise) more therapy. It definitely explains a lot anyway; my mental health has been constant extremes from one to another and I'm looking forward to achieving some state of normality. 

My low point was definitely last month. The doctors' surgery that I go to is split between two practices, I was already having a bad, bad day and, when going for a medication review, it turned out that I'd gone to the wrong practice. My Mam was due to pick me up from the one I'd went to after my appointment and I'd spend a nice day with her and my niece. Instead the receptionist informed me in a very, very rude way that I wouldn't make it to my appointment at the other practice in time and that I should pay closer attention; then threatening to place a note on my record there that I was unreliable to turn up to appointments. Because it's totally my fault that because of seizures I'm not allowed to drive, public transport is rubbish and the member of staff who made my appointment was rather ambiguous on which surgery it was (I've been going to just one of them since I was...born). 

 On hearing that news, my Mam taking me over to the other surgery and being told that the doctor I was seeing had already gone to a meeting it resulted in somewhat of a breakdown. It's the first time that my niece has ever seen me in that state and I really, really hope that it's the last. It's not something a three-year-old should have to see; luckily I'm on the waiting list for more specialised therapy so it shouldn't be happening again.

Wedding Planning...

 My Bridal Minions are awesome! I'm not using the term 'maids' because of having a mixed-gender team, plus it just seems like a rubbishy word. I'm well on track with dresses, close to getting a venue booked and decorations are well on track! :D one positive that's been ongoing. It might seem like a stress but I'm having fun with it, 18 months to go!

Stormageddon

 Stormageddon turned two this month, we had a little party for him - isn't he lovely!? Grumpy as ever, gorgeous as ever.

 Anyway, more exciting posts to come! Auf Wiedersehen for now <3

Tutorial: Don't get mad, get creative!

Hello readers!

 I had my engagement party on Saturday and despite all the stress that came with it it was a fantastic night. One thing I was fixated on however was how I looked on the night. A bit shallow, yes, but I felt that I'd spent so much time wanting it to be a good night for my guests that I forgot to spend time on how I'd feel.

 I had a fantastic dress from Vivien of Holloway and it made me feel just wonderful (once my Grandma altered it a little, it was a bit too big in the chest!). However when it came to shoes it was something I'd left to the last minute. The ones I ordered weren't going to arrive in time and it upset me more than it should have, but with how stressed I was I could kind of justify it. Anyway, I thought rather than stewing I'd channel my energy into something a bit more creative and take matters into my own hands. Customising shoes is much easier than I thought it would be, so here's a short guide on how you can make your own patriarchy-kicking, wonderful shoes:

You will need:

• An old pair of shoes, either some you already own or a pair from a charity shop
• Spray paint - any colour you like, I went for red.
• A spray on varnish, I went for satin finish varnish for that shiny look.
• Masking tape, and lots of.
• Cotton buds
• Glue
• Newspaper
• Ribbon, buckles, ribbons etc - all optional but however you want to pretty them up.

                                               

 These are the shoes I started off with, I'd gotten them when I was sixteen for a party and they've been my go-to pair ever since but over the years they've gotten battered, scuffed, scratched and kind of lost their mojo, so I thought they were due for some TLC.

 Masking tape over all of the bits you don't want painting. I wanted them red but thought doing the whole thing would be a bit too much. Be sure to use lots and that it's firmly stuck to the shoes, I found when I peeled it off that little bits of paint had leaked under the tape but it was easy enough to clean off with a baby wipe as it stayed damp under the tape.

 Be sure to spray them outside or in a well-ventilated area. You don't want to get it on your furniture or on your pets! I got a few strange looks from my neighbours while wearing a scarf over my face (if you're asthmatic too or generally have a bad chest I'd recommend doing the same, or getting somebody else to spray them for you) and holding a can of spray paint in the back yard. My landlord still hasn't seen the two big red patches on the ground out there yet... So even if you're doing it outside it might be best to put newspaper down.

 Stormageddon wouldn't really suit being red, he'd clash with his viv interior.

 Leave them to dry for an hour or so, I left mine in the bathroom with the window wide open, just with it being a shared yard and I didn't want any flies or anything getting stuck to them. Once the first coat has dried spray on a second (again in a well-ventilated area/outside). Some patches may have appeared if the material isn't very porous but they should get covered up with the second coat. Leave to dry once again, it may take a little longer this time. Once they're okay to pick up check for any little patches that don't warrant spraying the whole thing but are still noticeable, if there are any then spray some paint into the top of the lid and fill in these patches with a cotton bud.

 Lookin' good! Recycling old papers at the same time.

 Once they paint is totally dry take them outside and spray the varnish if you're using any, it gives a nice finish to them. The varnish takes a little longer to do so make yourself a cuppa, watch some telly, perhaps do like I did and do those bits of DIY you've been meaning to get round to! Depending on the brand/type it may even be best to leave them overnight.

 When you're happy that the varnish is dry and you want to go ahead with dolling them up then prepare the bits you want to go on. I made straps out of faux-leather ribbon and buckles that you can find in any haberdashery department/shop and used some ribbon as a trim. I'm not great in heels to the straps really made all the difference for me, I felt much more secure. Superglue holds the straps well but I found that it took the paint away with the ribbon so if you can find anything more suitable please leave a comment!

 And voilà! Complete, comfy and gorgeous.

 I'd also like to say a big thank you to my lovely sister-out-law for giving me the idea to customise my own shoes after I got these beauties from her for Christmas.

 Yes, they are Doctor Who shoes ;)

Happy shoe making!

Update: The shoes in action!!

...Best not to ask

The Big Question

  When we announced our engagement the first questions a lot of people asked were "so how did he do it?", "where's your ring?", "did you know he was planning on proposing?". The reality of it was none of those. The few of our friends who had been there when I popped the question didn't bat an eyelid when I said I was planning on doing it.

 We'd been talking about the idea of marriage for about six months until then and the idea of me proposing to Paul hadn't even crosses my mind in that time, I always thought that despite my feminist ideals it was something I still wouldn't do until I actually did it. It was when we decided to level the playing field and both get sized for rings, take the pressure off both sides that I made my mind up, he always said that if I was expecting an engagement ring then why shouldn't he? Which is a fair point really. I planned to do it when we were down in London for Socialism 2013, I thought it'd be the perfect place, surrounded by our friends and with my best man on hand to keep me calm. I told a few people so that there would be a small (but not suspiciously large!) crowd. I was shaking for the whole night. Socialism was help on November 2nd and 3rd and it was Paul's birthday on the 3rd. I had a feeling he knew something was going on so I bought a birthday cake to cover my tracks a little ;)

 When it went midnight my Best Man had organised for the lights to come on and the music to stop, I was all prepared with the birthday cake, we sang happy birthday and then I gave him his present: a bottle of 21 year old MacDuff Highland single malt whisky with "will you be my companion?" written on the bottle. When I handed it over he turned back round and I was down on one knee with the ring. I'd been thinking it was all going to plan until he whispered "Lizi... It's too dark, I can't read it!"

 I knew I would be a big bag of nerves so I thought the bottle would speak for me but alas, my plans had been foiled! I managed to choke out a "will you marry me?", my childhood stutter coming back to haunt me at the worst possible moment. But he said yes, I cried, he cried, other people cried. very much a night to remember...