One Hell of a Hiatus!

 Greetings lovely people! 

 As the title of this post suggests the past...bugger, almost year has been one hell of a hiatus. Now where to start...

Seizures

 Success! After many tests, trial and errors and tears I finally have a diagnosis. I turns out that I'm not epileptic but instead I suffer from Non-Epileptic Seizure Disorder (NES). It seems a bit strange that the condition doesn't have it's own name, the term NES referring to what it isn't rather than what it is but the subset I suffer from is specifically Psychogenic NES - Dissociative seizures. In simple terms it is seizures brought on because of extreme emotional/mental distress, in my case getting so stressed/anxious/lost/wound-up that my brain would overheat and shut down. Not fun.

 Luckily with having a diagnosis it's made it easier to treat. Then again it happened the other way around for me, having gone to my GP about depression/anxiety in February, starting on medication in April and not getting a definitive diagnosis until September. My GP did advise that I contact my neurologist about and when I saw him for my last appointment he was absolutely wonderful, very reassuring and stressed that NES is a legitimate condition and not something that I'm making up or something utterly unknown that's wrong with me. 

BPD

 As a result of further therapy and other related...everything I've been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Again, it's not fun but it's nice having a diagnosis. I'm still waiting on (surprise surprise) more therapy. It definitely explains a lot anyway; my mental health has been constant extremes from one to another and I'm looking forward to achieving some state of normality. 

My low point was definitely last month. The doctors' surgery that I go to is split between two practices, I was already having a bad, bad day and, when going for a medication review, it turned out that I'd gone to the wrong practice. My Mam was due to pick me up from the one I'd went to after my appointment and I'd spend a nice day with her and my niece. Instead the receptionist informed me in a very, very rude way that I wouldn't make it to my appointment at the other practice in time and that I should pay closer attention; then threatening to place a note on my record there that I was unreliable to turn up to appointments. Because it's totally my fault that because of seizures I'm not allowed to drive, public transport is rubbish and the member of staff who made my appointment was rather ambiguous on which surgery it was (I've been going to just one of them since I was...born). 

 On hearing that news, my Mam taking me over to the other surgery and being told that the doctor I was seeing had already gone to a meeting it resulted in somewhat of a breakdown. It's the first time that my niece has ever seen me in that state and I really, really hope that it's the last. It's not something a three-year-old should have to see; luckily I'm on the waiting list for more specialised therapy so it shouldn't be happening again.

Wedding Planning...

 My Bridal Minions are awesome! I'm not using the term 'maids' because of having a mixed-gender team, plus it just seems like a rubbishy word. I'm well on track with dresses, close to getting a venue booked and decorations are well on track! :D one positive that's been ongoing. It might seem like a stress but I'm having fun with it, 18 months to go!

Stormageddon

 Stormageddon turned two this month, we had a little party for him - isn't he lovely!? Grumpy as ever, gorgeous as ever.

 Anyway, more exciting posts to come! Auf Wiedersehen for now <3

A Happy (Extremely Belated) New Year!

 Well hello, hello! It has been some time. Between Christmas, New Year and getting back to uni January has been one hell of a month. I expect there'll have been a torrent of 'my new year's resolution' blog posts since the beginning of this month so I kind of feel like I've missed out on something there; still, even if it's not strictly new year anymore I just started back at uni last week (though have been in and out for students' union things) I feel like I'm gradually coming out of hibernation. 

 I'm not a fan of New Year's Resolutions, just because it's a new year by the calendar means people throw themselves into exhausting gym routines, detox diets (don't even get me started on that shit!) and the rest because, well, it's the done thing in January! They're often drastic and impractical changes that cause more stress than good. The only sure way to make changes that stick is through small adjustments one at a time over a long period of time. Putting such pressure on yourself to change in a short period of time isn't a sustainable solution and when you don't reach the goals you set yourself in the time you want to it can lead to a lot of resentment and beating yourself up - trust me, been there done that!

 I've stuck at the 'resolutions' quite well, though I wouldn't really call them that. The word itself sounds like a big grand gesture type thing, these are just little changes - managing my time better, cooking from scratch more and getting takeaway less (broken by 3am January 1st!), and trying to keep the flat tidy. I have been working my bum off on these starting with getting a diary, it's been lovely having everything in one place and with how bad my memory has been lately it's certainly been a big help. Cooking has been great for keeping me in a routine too, it's therapeutic working my way through making a meal considering long-term anxiety I've had around food, the process is very calming seeing exactly what I'm putting into my mouth and how it's all come together. As a feminist I've carried a lot of guilt around my feelings towards food, feeling it's something I should be over by now, I've got the coping mechanisms so why am I still struggling? and so on. And so many online resources from feminist publications just seem a bit too...softly-softly, unhelpful, not really offering practical help but more "yeah, this is an issue...". Meh. Luckily there's a wonderful group here in Newcastle  which offers a lot of support to women in my position.

 Keeping the flat tidy has been...easy, ish. I'm lying actually, I'm rubbish at it. But I'm making a start, little things like loading the dishwasher and doing the washing on a regular basis rather than when I can no longer see the bedroom floor. We're currently planning spending a Sunday taking EVERYTHING out of there into the living room and having a great big clean-and-chuck-out but haven't had a free day to do so yet. It's on the list though!

 Anyway... for the big news: we've got two years left of wedding planning! Last year was pretty much a write-off and nothing has been checked off the to-do list, it's pretty scary thinking how quick the time has gone since we've gotten engaged and the whole 'impending list of doom' there is to complete within the two years we've got left. But y'know, long engagement, the idea was to take it at a chill pace. The panic will undoubtedly kick in pretty soon and you'll be subjected to a wonderfully stressed post about all the worries, I certainly look forward to it!

 Til then, here is a picture of Stormageddon's lovely little bum:

The Story So Far...

Hello all and welcome!

 Let me begin at the beginning. Back in November I proposed to my partner of two and a half years on the side of a bottle of whisky in the basement of a youth hostel in London. I'd been planning it for months after many late-night passing conversations about marriage and proposals and so on... Anyway!

An awesome pair of geet losers ;)

 (Thanks to my Best Man for the picture, and for facilitating the whole thing really.)

 So yes, a little about myself. I'm Lizi, one of those feminist types you were warned about. I met Paul back in 2010 on the student demonstrations in Newcastle. By no means love at first sight, we knew each other by looking I'd say but nothing more. We met properly on May Day in 2011 and got to talking while he was promoting the Youth Fight For Jobs Jarrow March. May Day in Newcastle is always wonderful, that year being exceptionally sunny and warm. It was nice to put a name to his face and after that we talked more and more often. It wasn't until a meeting on the night before the June 30th strike that year when a mutual friend took us out for drinks that things started getting romantic. Romantic-ish. In fact even that's a big exaggeration. That summer we bonded over left-wing politics, feminism and Doctor Who, with a dash of Morgan's Spiced rum in there.

 We live together with our lovely little hedgehog, Stormageddon, I study sociology and work part-time in a pub and Paul works full time in a call centre. 

Our lovely little Stormy

  

 Our wedding isn't for another three years (ish - no date yet) and I'm hoping that through blogging I'll be able to find some sanity within planning for the big day. I know they're going to fly by!

Happy reading! xx