Smashing the Patriarchy... But I want to keep this bit

 Yo readers, it's been a while. To follow up from my last post, where I was lying in my bath at 3 in the morning convinced I was dying because of medication withdrawal... As you probably guessed I didn't die - hooray! - yes, I'm glad too. But it was a pretty horrible experience. Tonight I'm starting a similar medication instead of that one, so understandably I'm a little anxious. So I thought I'd wrack my brains for something I'd wanted to write about ages ago to take my mind off of the anxiety. Anyway, here goes.

 Long-time readers will know that this started out as a wedding blog, My Big Fat Feminist Wedding. As a throwback to this blog's roots then, I thought I'd share a ridiculous, sappy piece because - fuck everything else - it's something to keep me distracted.

 While I was younger I didn't always picture myself getting married, I was pretty torn on the issue. Long story short, I am getting married, and I couldn't be happier. But after I got engaged I started thinking what in the 21st century could be considered 'classic' traditions; not always observed but still mentioned and/or joked about. Like the groom throwing the bride's garter etc. Three years ago I posted about the petition to get the mother's name on marriage certificates. And while it's yet to come into action it's another detail which shows us that marriage is an innately patriarchal institution. But we can always change this. My plan is for my mother to walk me down the aisle along with my father, not because they own me or I'm 'their property' to give away but because hell, they did a damn good job bringing me up and they should be allowed to show off what a good job they did to friends and family (if I do say so myself). Plus I'm a little iffy in front of lots of people so it'll be nice to have some buffers. 

 Getting to the point, one thing I've been asked a fair bit about. Several people have said "oh, you're a raging feminist type, you'll never do this". Then they've always been surprised when I've said it's something I've wanted to keep. 

 I want to have a dance with my Daddybear at my wedding.

 Yep, it doesn't sound totally ridiculous written down. But some people have questioned me for it. It's it prioritising him over your Mam? Patriarchy, blah blah? He's too short for you to dance with! 

 Let me answer those in reverse: I'll bring shoes especially for it, his height is however an endless source of amusement. Patriarchy... Not exactly, not if I'm choosing to do it. And as I know my mother so well I know that she can be quite shy, and me dragging her up in front of hundreds of people, all looking at her, could be pretty nightmarish for her. Dad on the other hand... Well, he's the one that I got the "I don't give a fuck" gene from. Plus, given the fact that I'm the one who proposed to my husband-to-be, he's having two best women, and I have a bridesbee, we're not exactly sticking to the gender norms.

 I've always had a good relationship with my Dad. Sure, we had the typical teenageer-parent troubles, lots of shouting and screaming, "you're a dick, you're a dick" "you're grounded" etc. But at the same time he nurtured my love of good music, good books, and history. Without him doing this, as well as not hiding politics from me, I doubt I'd be as tuned-in as I am; or at least I probably would be doing a Sociology degree. And given how gregarious and outgoing he is I don't think he's pass up an opportunity to show me up in front of friends and family!! And I wouldn't want it any other way.

I've lost my leggings virginity! And other tidbits

 Welcome back readers, apologies once again for another long break. As I explained in my last post I've been very poorly lately and often have very little energy left for this, which is very very sad. But I've got some rather interesting entries in the works for you all so they are to be looked forward to! This is more just a catching up, getting me back into writing post for now. 

 Less than three weeks to go until my neurology appointment now, it certainly cant come quick enough! I'm still having an awful time with these seizures, as an adult woman it's rather embarrassing having to explain to friends and family that the bruise on your arm or the black eye is from injuring yourself during one. There have been good things in the past month though, The People's March for the NHS set off eleven days ago now and they're on track to reach London for September 6th so if you're in the area when they're passing through your town or city be sure to show your support for them. It's a wonderful cause which originated as an idea from a group of mums in Darlington, the Darlo Mums, to re-enact the Jarrow March in order to raise awareness of the cuts and privatisation happening to the NHS. I was very happy to be invited to speak on the platform at the rally before the march set off, it was very humbling to see so many turn up to see off the marchers. I was up there speaking as a descendent of one of the original marchers and seeing that the legacy of it is still so vibrant is very touching.

Look how big!!

 

 Well done to all those marching, very good cause, please give them your support. Why not join in if you can? Paul and myself did the first leg of it to Chester-le-Street, it was really nice seeing so many people in high spirits out in support of our health service. And believe me it's gruelling committing to something like this, I did about two weeks in total of the Youth Fight For Jobs march back in 2011 and a few weekends, not all in one go but I feel that it was easier doing the week in one go than the weekends as you got into the routine of it a bit more, there was more good nights of sleep (apart from those where your comrades snored - no names!) rather than marching ten miles in a day after sleeping on a coach/train - then having the same bad sleep in preparation for the week ahead of you. But don't let it put you off!!  

 The picture to the left is ...I don't actually know what it is but I picked it up somewhere on the way to Birtley, and by picked up I mean found in the sole of my shoe! Yikes, very glad I wore my walking shoes that day.

 In other news - VICTORY!! There were over 70,000 signatures on the petition to get the mother's name on the marriage certificate and the current outdated certificate we have at the minute is set to be given the heave-ho. Even though David Cameron has 'pledged' to resolve this I still couldn't trust the man as far as I could throw him but now that the public pressure is clearly there we're much closer to this becoming reality.

*Side ramble: when I went to google this I got a little side-tracked after typing in 'mother', my browser seems to know my interests now and came up with 'mother of the bride dresses'. I had a little poke about by something I couldn't get over? None of the women modelling dresses marketed specifically in a category 'mother of the bride' looked old enough to have a daughter of marrying age, how irksome! 

 What else what else? Hmmm... this may seem a bit filler-ish but it really isn't actually (don't you 'yeah, yeah' me). The other week I had a very horrible incident involving my smoke alarms. We have a rather old heating system with a water heater instead of a boiler, so if you want to have a bath and do the dishes at the same time then tough, the dishes will just have to wait. Though there is a way round this with the emergency switch, y'know, for emergencies like if the dishes just can't wait. Anyway after Paul had a bath that morning the switch was left on accidentally and the water heater started steaming. The same happened the day we moved into our flat, almost a year ago now, and it set the smoke alarms off. It caused a lot of bother a) because of the ceilngs being so high are impossible to reach and b) even when you find something to stand on to reach them they don't have a working hush switch. Because the property is rented they're wired into the mains to prevent tenants taking the batteries out when they burn their toast, forgetting to replace them and burning the house down. Ours have never gone off when we've burned food though, it only goes off for the water heater so there was clearly something wrong with it. Last time it only lasted half an hour or so (I say only...) which should have flagged up that there was something wrong but this time it went on for Three. Straight. Hours.

A not so happy Stormy having a bath

It was bloody awful, I was ill enough as it was that day but three hours of non-stop noise was unbearable. I had to text Paul at work, he rang me back and I couldn't talk for crying (this was after about an hour), so he ended up ringing my mam and she came from work to wait with me while the landlord sent somebody round to sort it out. Most of all I was worried about Stormageddon. He's my little baby and I was so worried about the noise scaring him and the scare making him poorly, so my hero of a mam got him out of his viv (I was too worked up to), into his carry box and into her car to sit for a bit. And the little git had slept right through it, lucky thing! He wasn't happy about being disturbed  but I felt better for it. So mam could get back to work I took him round to my friends', Clara and Nina's. It was lovely of them to take him in as they were doing a big clean up ready to move out, I'm really grateful to have such lovely women in my life.  

 Which brings me to today. I had an exam this morning which was absolutely awful (don't ask) and left me in a buy/eat everything in sight mood. I had tried so hard to prepare for it, even having a bath the night before to get a decent sleep that night. However it took a turn for the worst during that when I had a seizure in the bath. It's been frustrating not being able to have them unsupervised but I definitely get why now. Paul didn't realise what was happening at first, he just thought I was rinsing my hair but when the splashing started he got me out straight away. It was pretty traumatic, I'd taken in a fair bit of water and felt awful the rest of the night, in fact I still feel like I've got some up my nose. Still, after years of avoiding the trend I gave in and bought my first ever pair of leggings in my strop today. I'm pretty pleased with them (although I may not look it!) my main reason being I have some lovely dresses from Moonmaiden Gothic, that I want to be able to wear over the winter but would be a bit too chilly with just tights. They're all handmade by Sarah and Michael Eddy, a wonderful couple based in Cornwall; for such great quality clothing they're very reasonably priced too.

 Anyway, I hope to get my new posts up before I go back to uni. Until then - happy feministing!